Roommates: Part 2

So the more I live with this kid, the more I just can't stand him. It's not that he's a bad person in any way, but rather because he just annoys the hell out of me with every little thing he does. Listen, I like exactly two types of roommates:

1. The ones that stay out of my life-style's path
2. The ones that get into my life-style's path, but clean-up

Let me explain those in a little bit more detail. When a roommate stays out of my life-style's path, I mean that they literally are almost like a ghost in the apartment. They make messes every now and then and they have friends over every now and then, but for the most part its almost like I'm living alone. They don't question how loud I am at night, they don't question when doors slam, they take showers at times that don't ever seem to interfere with my shower time, and they aren't in the kitchen when I need the kitchen. Basically, we co-exist in separate worlds and only cross paths by sharing the same space. And because these people are so out of sync with my life-style (its a coincidence), I actually don't mind cleaning up after them. That's right, they can leave fairly small messes and I'll pick up after them because they let me live my life peacefully.

The second one is different. This is the type of person who does interfere with the way I like to live my life. Literally, this person will be in the kitchen using everything when I'd like to cook, using the bathroom whenever I might need it, complains about my life-style and tells me to change, and so forth. All I ask of this person is that if they want me to change my life-style, they need to change their own AND they need to clean-up the apartment with me. I know it sounds weird, but its a hassle to change the way I like to live so if I'm going to put in effort to make their life better then they better put effort in to make my life better.

My current roommate is neither of these options and I hate him for it. So where to begin...

Bathroom: When I get up in the morning, and my schedule isn't a normal one at all, I'd like to have the right to take a shower. I wake up between 8 and 10 AM every day. Wouldn't you know it, but I have the one roommate who doesn't seem to ever get up until right before I need the bathroom in the morning. But wait, it get's worse for someone like me. He also takes two showers a day. That means two times a day he's in there for more than 15 minutes that I need. Guess what, he takes that shower not when I'm away, but when I'm back. So it's like he's purposefully choosing times that interfere with our interactions. It drives me nuts. Now, I said I'd be fine with this if he would clean. Guess what, he has NEVER cleaned the bathroom nor do I think he knows how. Hell, he doesn't even know how to get out of the shower without getting the floor wet. And for everyone out there that doesn't know how to magically do that, grab the towel off the rack (especially since his is RIGHT NEXT TO THE SHOWER) and dry yourself off before you step out. I know, it takes a whole second to think that process through.

Kitchen: So I don't always get home from classes/school life until 7 to 9 PM, and when I get back I usually want to just throw my stuff off my back and start cooking a quick meal. Except four out of five times my roommate is in the kitchen cooking and he is the worst chef I think I've ever seen. Most people learn by the age of 18 that if you aren't cooking efficiently, then you are wasting time. I've never seen someone take so much time slicing raw chicken. Just cut that damn thing into chunks and throw it in the pan already. And he gets his water boiling on 6 out of 9 heat. This is what I mean, I'd have cooked 2 meals in the time that he cooks his 1 and it drives me nuts because the kitchen is literally only big enough for 1 person to cook in it at a time. Get the fuck in and get the fuck out. Simple as that. But wait, he never cleans up his pots and pans right away either. So there's another mine field I hate to touch and I hate having crowded sinks too, it drives me nuts. Its one of those little things that just gets to me if you aren't having guests over. And to top it off, none of the counter tops ever get clean. If you are going to be in my way, make sure you clean it all up before you get out of my way.

Bedroom: Now I know that this shouldn't seem to be an area where I'd be bugged, because we don't have a shared bedroom. Literally I have my own and he has his own, so there shouldn't be a problem. Except there are a ton. First of all, he yells at me for "slamming" the door when I leave my room at night. Want to know what a slam sounds like in his room? Shut your door softly and you'll see he's over reacting. Literally, I've been yelled at multiple times for "slamming" my door even when the wind blows it shut. The kid is a psycho. And to top that one off, I'd like to note that if you are going to live with someone like me, get use to it because I probably won't remember to change. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. If I talk at night louder than a whisper he also yells at me because I woke him up. Now I'm not sure about where you live, but I've played heavy base music really loud and gone in his room and its been literally a soft beat. So the walls literally stop almost all sound. And I know some people have sensitive ears, but come on, go buy ear muffs or something if that's your problem and stop being a douche and telling me to change. I'd like to note I'm really hitting hard on these things, because I asked him to change the following stuff I'm about to talk about and it still hasn't happened. Now, in contrast, when he brings his Girlfriend over, who is literally the loudest slut on the planet, I can't get away from it. I literally have heard every type of noise imaginable come out of her from in that room at all hours. I'm sorry, but I don't want to hear your underage girlfriend moaning and if you know she's a loud moaner, maybe its time to go back to her place. Oh she lives in the dorm, well then go find a field in the middle of nowhere and have sex there. At least its away from me. Jesus. And besides that, he talks about my singing, but trust me you don't want to hear his...

Overall my roommate is a type 3 roommate, which I didn't describe above because I can't stand that type. They get in the way of your life-style, feel that their life-style is more important than your own (which ironically causes an equal reaction), and then don't ever seem to understand why you don't like them.

And just a note, the WHOLE reason I'm writing a big, long post about all this crap is because my roommate has literally ONE job to do in the apartment. I said I would keep up the bathroom, keep up the kitchen, keep up the living room, and try to fix my life-style if he tried to fix his (which he didn't, but I let that slide sometimes) and WOULD TAKE OUT THE TRASH. Seriously, less than 5 minutes of your life maybe once a week and I would be happy. Go fuck yourself kid.

Now for reference, here's a list of my previous roommates:

• Kevin P (Amazing) - He never once interfered with my life-style and in fact I think overall enhanced my life with his positive attitude. We had similar life-styles too, so it made living together pretty smooth.
• Brandon W (Great) - This is another person where we had fairly similar life-styles and I think he overall enhanced my life for the short time we lived together. Very positive guy!
• Jordan F (Good) - There were a few clashing points between us being roommates, but overall everything went really smooth throughout the year. I don't think I'd live in the same room as him again, but the same apartment would be fine.

How to be a Good Roommate

So I thought I would just post this list, because I'm highly annoyed that my roommates tend to be rather inadequate at figuring out these simple rules. Also, these are very general rules, little things, that tend to go a long way with any roommate because they are good habits to get into. I'll try to sort them by area.

Kitchen

• If you make a mess, clean it up - I think this is self explanatory, but no one wants to clean up your messes in the kitchen. You made dinner, that's nice, but you also get to clean up your pots and pans and all the spills too. Also, it takes 15 minutes to clean up your mess, maybe longer if you made a bigger dinner, but it goes much farther for your roommate.
• Dishes go in the Dishwasher, not the sink - I can't tell you how annoyed I get when dishes are in the sink. First of all, they get in the way of  your roommate trying to cook or clean his own dishes. If you want them to get clean, you better put them in the dishwasher. The exception to this rule is if you are in a hurry and will clean them ASAP, but to be honest I don't think that's a good exception.
• Keep it fresh - If stuff goes bad, throw it out. I hate finding stuff that went bad 3 days ago in the fridge and the worst part is I can't throw it out cause its my roommates and he'll be like why. So keep it fresh for your roommate.

Bathroom

• Help clean it up! - I really hate that I have to put this on here, but of all the roommates I've had it seems like none of them ever learned that I don't really want to have to clean the bathroom every time. That's nice that you vacuumed the main room, that's lovely you learned how to press a button on the dishwasher, but lets be honest none of those compare to what's in the bathroom. Rule of thumb, help out instead of stinking it up. (My current roommate still thinks its okay to let me do it)
• Always flush unless otherwise - Basically, I don't want to see something in the toilet. If you toss it in there, I'm going to assume its a bio-waste I don't want to touch and you need to flush it. If you are tossing it in there cause its just a little thing, think if it can be trashed instead and save me the hap-hazard of seeing it and being disgusted. Also, convention says unless you agree on stuff that can sit, always flush.
• NOTHING DOWN THE DRAIN! - Seriously, don't clog the drain with things you shouldn't be dumping down there. If it comes off you while you shower (dead skin, hair, oils, etc) then its fine because you can't help that, but if you purposefully are putting something down the drain to get rid of it, just stop and don't. You clog the drain and cause someone else to fix it or yourself problems. So simple rule, nothing down the drain that wasn't suppose to go there.
• Stay out of my medicine cabinet - Simply stay out. People take medical things for various reasons, some more embarrassing that others. If you don't have permission to be in there, then don't go in there. Its like viewing someones personal stuff but not understanding that they take it for a certain reason. So stay out of medicine cabinets and drawers and anything else that aren't "yours" to keep privacy!

Common Room

• Clean up your mess - I think we get the point by now, but if you make a mess then you need to clean it up. No one wants to clean up your stuff and unless no one has a problem with a decoration or something a certain way, then keep it out of there and keep it clean.
• Share the Vacuum - It sounds like a weird rule, but I know a lot of people that won't help clean up the messes that just naturally happen. If you take the time and both do it, you both end up happier with one another.
• Don't hog the common room - It sounds weird, but people tend to hate it when they can't use their rooms the way they want to. So in basic, don't hog it all to yourself because you never know who else may actually want to use it too. And if it seems like they aren't using it and so you deserve that time, it probably just means that they don't go in there because you use it too much. Hogs don't notice the annoyance they cause.

Your Room

• Keep the private, Private - We don't need to know your personal life. Keep what you want private, private. Enough said.

Girlfriends/Boyfriends

• WE DON'T NEED TO HEAR THAT! - Seriously no one wants to hear you having sex, making out, talking all lovey dovey, or any of that other crap. So try to keep it to a minimum. Seriously, I'm sick of hearing sex. Go somewhere else. Go do something else...
• WE DON'T NEED TO SEE THAT! - Same as above, but no one wants to see it either. If you are the type of couple that can't get your paws off each-other, then get out of the room with that. It makes everyone else feel like a third wheel when you are always attached at the lips and no one likes to watch other people make-out or touch each-other. No sex in common areas please.
• Spend less time with her/him in the Apartment - It sounds weird, but actually don't bring your girlfriend/boyfriend home to the apartment as often as possible. They don't live there, they don't have a room there, they don't pay rent there, they shouldn't be there (if they do live there [and pay], ignore this rule cause it doesn't apply). I have a roommate that seriously thinks I want to see his girlfriend all the time. I hate her, I really don't want to see her. SO it would be awesome if they could, you know, either pay me back since I didn't ask for another roommate or move him out since he just wants to live with her.
• If she/he is loud - Kill them. I'm not joking, I hate hearing girlfriends/boyfriends talking so loud that I can hear them through the walls. I don't care if you mute them by stuffing their mouth (no moans though) or if you literally duck tape that trap shut, but no one wants to hear that voice all the time.
• Just cause you like them doesn't mean your roommates do - I think that's self explanatory.
• Its not her place, its not her stuff, its not where she should go - She/he needs to bake, well don't bring her home cause I need the kitchen that I pay for for my own cooking. She/he needs the washer/shower/couch/TV/sink/Anything, well too bad. Seriously I can't drive home how much that this isn't her/his apartment and he/she doesn't actually have a right to the stuff in it. So stop letting them have it.

I hope these rules (which is a smaller list) show my frustration with my roommates girlfriend. That's why that's at the bottom, so that I'm kinda fizzled out when I get there. Sorry for the random service announcement.