Double Review: The Thing

So I'm actually sitting here right now, watching the 2011 version of The Thing. As I'm watching it, all I can think is that I NEED to write a review for this movie. Except, I think to really understand my review for the newest movie, I should give a glimpse into the mind and thoughts of the previous one. As such, for the first time ever, I'm going to do a double review.

The Thing [1982]

So it turns out that order of operations in important and I NEED to do a review of the first Thing [1982] before I even consider a review of the newer one. So below is my review of a movie I haven't seen in a while, but in all honesty I remember extremely well.

Synopsis:

So the movie actually starts very weird, where a helicopter is seen chasing down a dog, trying to kill it for whatever reason when they run into another camp in the middle of the arctic. The camp sees this action and tells the helicopter to not come any closer, but of course the helicopter does and so, thinking that he has gone mad since he's chasing a dog, they kill them.

Well, turns out the dog is actually an evil monster (that's not the surprise, you know it by the way that they are doing everything in the movie) and the other camp had discovered the monster buried in the ice. The rest of the movie plays out trying to solve how the monster works and, using the best graphics and special effects available for 1982, a horrific show is created where the true terror is in the story, the idea, and overall just the brilliant concept.

Verdict: 4.5 / 5 Stars

This movie is a horror CLASSIC! If you are big into horror movies or big into cult films, then please give this movie your support by going and watching it. And although the movie is considered old now (30 years and counting), the concept for the time was brilliant, the special effects were well done, and the way they use the camera to really bring out the horror is what makes this movie. So if you have some free time and don't mind things that goes on the slightly gross side, then please check this out.

But just to be frank, the best part of the movie was actually when they develop a way to solve who the thing is. Seriously, it's the most memorable scene in the movie and it has probably the biggest impact. Especially since the way they solved it was so primitive and yet so brilliant. Add in the natural terror that it could be anyone, and it's a brilliant effect.

Seriously, I can't tell how many bad horror movies I've seen, but this one has a great concept and is done very well. So my personal verdict is 4.5/5 stars!

The Thing [2011]

And so now we move onto the more recent film. Now I know I didn't give that last film a very big introduction or really any synopsis at all, but that's because the real intent of this review is to describe the newer movie of the two. I mean, surely with new special effects and a classic horror idea they couldn't go wrong, or so I thought...

Synopsis:

First of all, it is extremely important for me to point out that this movie is not the sequel to the 1982 horror, but actually the prequel. That's right, the end of this movie is obviously the beginning of the next movie. So what we know right away is that only two people should live, the thing should become the dog, and in the end we should see him chasing the pooch away. At least, in theory that's what we should see.

Well this movie starts out with some Norwegians on a big truck running all over the place and they're talking about something stupid. To be fair and honest, I was reading the text at the bottom for a minute, but it really didn't matter at this point since he's telling some sick story about a boy and his grandmother (you can imagine). Then their big truck or whatever crashes through the ice where they make a major discovery, there's an alien ship. So far so good. Well, really that's the last of the staying-on-track parts of this movie. And it should be very simple to get form point one, discovering the alien, to point two, where the whole base is dead...

Verdict: 1.75 / 5 Stars

See the cast and crew was perfectly fine, the set-up was exactly what was expected since it was the prequel to the original thing, but the problem with this movie is clearly that they would rather invest more money in special effect than work with a large group of writers that want the movie to follow the best story possible. From start to finish, you'll see where they spent countless hours trying to flash gory scenes and really bring to life the Thing, but they never quite get it looking right either. And so instead of doing what made the first film great, which is sort of hiding the creature for most of the film and making it into more a mystery of who is the thing, they go about trying to turn this movie into an action thriller.

But not just that ruins this movie. No, the creators also went into depth to really try and make something new for us to watch be hunted. But in the end, they actually end up ruining the original movie because in this movie the Thing was able to do SO many more things that it makes the Think from the original look pathetic. That's right, special effects are truly the deviant in this film series and what brought about the end to what was probably the greatest idea ever.

I think what really made me want to subtract points was that the original movie had such a clever way of solving who the Thing was that when the scientists came up with a way in this movie, it seemed like the creators of this prequel didn't understand what made the original so damn classical. And that frustrates me as a movie goer, because I WANTED this movie to be good.

However, with all that said and done, the new movie does a decent (though it could have been better) job of getting from the two points. That's why I gave it a star. And they did put some effort into the movie, it just didn't have the flavor that the original cult classic had and it really showed why modern horror is going in the drain. To the producers, I would like you to cast a view towards this movie as why special effects, which cast MILLIONS to make, will never substitute for a well written and re-written story, which costs much less.

Overall I give it a 1.75/5 stars.

House of 9: The Review

House of 9  [2005]

The movie I'm watching tonight is called House of 9. The title was what hooked me into wanting to see this, I mean I personally think it sounds like a very interesting title. And from the small bits of information I gathered from online, it is supposed to be a horror movie. Now, I'm actually a huge fan of horror films, I love them intact, and so I decided to watch it. And if that did not have me interested, it is a British film and I love watching things that are international. Here's my review of a movie most people probably have never heard of, House of 9.

Synopsis:

The beginning of the movie starts out with all the different people who will make up the 9 in the title and what they are currently doing in their lives. Some are out partying, others are just walking along, but all of them in the end are abducted and taken to the house. There are also some shots interlacing the scenes of how they are abducted of the house that they will be in. Right from the start, you can see where this is going.

The nine different people then wake up in this house, the windows have all been bricked-in and the front door is made of steel, reinforced and not moving. There are eerie glowing lights all around them and except for some beds, bathrooms, a very small kitchen, and a table, the house is empty. Then a man comes on the speaker and tells them that they have been chosen randomly and only one will be getting out of the house alive and with a lot of money too. From there, the movie turns into a dramatic thriller as the nine contestants are suddenly tested between being a society and survival of the fittest.

Verdict: 1.75 / 5 stars

I'm just going to be straight out when I say this is a really cool, really terrifying concept that sort of takes the idea of Lord of the Flies and applies it to a basic concept of being locked away in a house. Or at least, I wish that was the concept that went in behind this movie. It's not. Instead, the creators break this movie up and make something that is supposed to be a bit more catching and a little bit closer to the edge of your seat. They fail and it goes down horrible.

The first half of the movie should be called something along the lines of "Democracy: Sit On Your Arse" because literally it becomes this democratically struggle of who is in charge and what should they do. One guy is a cop with a  gun, the rest are all civilians with really boring back stories of the most part. They eat, they sit, they drink, they sit, they explore, they sit, they dance, they sit, and all around nothing happens. Literally this is a HUGE loss of stars for this film, because when I watch a movie the only person who should be sitting and doing nothing for more than five minutes should be me. So I'm going to take off huge. Instead, I would have liked to have seen the creators of this movie have made them first want to escape, then each of the characters find something that's different, interesting, a clue maybe as to what is going on. Maybe it is something that helps them in their final task, maybe it's something that they think will help but turns into someone else's prize. That would have been interesting and added some flavor to this. But like I said, all they do is sit and eat and dance and sit some more. What a waste of a beautifully undefined mansion.

The second half of the movie is where the action starts. Something goes wrong, society fails, and all hell breaks lose for our heroes. Except at this point you've either come to love or come to hate certain characters and in a way you've already selected who you want to live and who you want to die. Why? Because the first half of the movie was sitting and eating and you learned how annoying some of the characters are. So anyway, all hell breaks loose, people start dying, and a winner wins. The end. Oh, there's a twist in there but it's really not that important, big, or unguessable (I actually knew the twist right when it happened because it seemed fishy).

But the most disappointing part was that they left the Priest alive for so damn long. Now I know the reason they did it was to play with this notion of is God really watching, but let's be honest. No, no he is not and it wasn't fun to watch them figure that out. I mean, this priest so so annoying that from the minute he started talking I just kept thinking, 'please die, I don't need this much of him in the movie'. But he keeps living, and he lives for what seems like forever. I'm being honest when I say he ruins part of the movie, and that's why I'm making a big note out of it.

Last, this movie loses points because of the ending. I like vague endings, but this one wasn't even that. It was a continuation ending, one that tells you there's basically a part two to the whole tale. I hate those in movies where they did not even answer a question the first time around. So why the hell would I want to see a sequel if nothing gets answered the first time? I don't. Minus points.

So where did this movie get points, because I'll admit I'm really smacking it down. Well the original concept is a brilliant and very interesting one, so I gave it some awesome points for that. And the art direction in the film is chilling, very well done for defining the house and the characters. I think it could had been better on the house, but I can see the effects that the director was heading for and I'll give him that. And finally, although I hated the ending for the vague, very mentally distilled, and overall annoying, it did have something to it that made me think back a bit. So I gave it that. But most importantly, I really did want to see something happen and have a mystery. Now, it's too bad the mystery in this film is a no brainer, but I appreciate the poor attempt. 1.75/5 stars.

Rest Stop (Movie): The Review

Rest Stop (Movie) [2006]

Rest Stop Movie Poster

And so tonights movie is a horror film called Rest Stop. Now, just from the title you should be able to tell that this is going to be a long, bad movie night. It's a B horror film (at best). So here we go.

Synopsis:

So this girl (Nichole) and her boyfriend (Jess) decide to run away from home to become movie stars or something. As they drive away, Nichole has trouble with the idea of running away and wants to call her parents. She doesn't because her boyfriend says not to. So then they're off on the road. A random sex scene, and a random cut to them talking about being on some back highway for some reason, and then wouldn't you know it but Nichole needs a bathroom... also know as a rest stop. So begins the horror fun.

Verdict: 1 / 5 Stars

I'm really torn while writing this review because its a really bad movie, and I mean that, but at the same time it is entertaining. Now, let me get down to why this movie is so bad. First of all, the whole premise is just stupid. A rest stop that a guy haunts and attacks people to kill them? That's just sad how low the film makers have stooped to make a horror movie (and a bad one). Now, I'm not taking off stars for this point though, because most horror films are based around some sort of bad idea.

No, what I'd like to take points off for is the just terrible scripting. First of all, there's no character interaction in this film at all. Why? Because the only character in the film that lives through every stupid thing that happens in Nichole. So she goes here, she goes there, she goes here, and so on and so forth. And I don't mind that, but it would be nice if they would at least have given her a friend to talk to and to figure this out. And I mean someone long term, not a short term friend.  So a lot of the stuff she has to figure out on her own, which is slow and annoying. And when they do give her a friend, it lasts maybe 20 minutes at most. It drives me nuts.

But I also hated the lack of a set-up. A good horror movie knows that they'll set everything up close to the beginning so that later you get to see how things unravel. This one didn't have any of that. It was just random scene after random scene with nothing too well thought out. So after about the third time I'm just so annoyed that it won't end that it pisses me off.  Seriously, every big mystery in the movie is about 10 seconds from being unraveled instead of being planned out from the beginning. It was frustrating. I'm really taking out points for the lack of a set-up and burst-topic thought that went into this.

Yet, on top of that there is a HUGE layer of characters who have interesting pasts and are interesting and I'd love to see more of them. So why the hell they didn't try and play all the characters up I'll never know. And I don't want to ruin it, but there was a really good moment in there where I wanted something more to happen with some of the most psychotic characters that didn't.

To end my review, I'd like to say that it also lost points from just the rugged lack of intelligence with EVERY character. Like, the amount of stupidity that EVERY character had was unbelievable. I think anyone with about half the brains could have done better than this girl. 

~~~~~Warning: Spoiler Alert~~~~~

1. Take for instance the scene where she's in the station talking on the old CB Radio and gets the "trucker" on the other end. Now, it already isn't weird to her that on the television is the porno they made earlier that day (and she identifies it, based on the look on her face). So she starts talking to this guy, he talks back, and he says he's going to call the cops. She asks what his name is and he says, gasp, 'Jessy.' RIGHT THERE that should be a hint that this is NOT a trucker an should NOT be trusted. But instead she gets drunk and forgets all about it. 
2. Here's another example. The car suddenly magically reappears in front of the little station for the rest stop. Now, normal people would find that weird and not want to get in. But oh, our so smart heroin is going to jump right into the drivers seat and start driving away. Except everyone knows that if the car was put there magically, it means something is up. So don't get in the car you dumb girl. Ugh...
3. Third example, the police officer talks to the guy in the truck and he says he's been lost for hours, driving by the rest stop every now and then without doing anything. The police officer accepts his answer, to which point the truck turns around. Now, while he's standing there explaining this to the girl, who clearly said IT WAS HIM, he suddenly gets caught in the headlights of the truck. Let's not move out of the way, lets just let the "lost" truck driver blind you even though he should have turned around and left. Sad to say, it doesn't end well for him.

~~~~~End of Spoils~~~~~

Seriously, the day that the masterminds behind these movies create smarter characters, I'll by happy. All I want is a hero who is smart enough to do normal reactions, but the bad guy is one step ahead. My verdict is 1/5 stars.