Merry Christmas - A Special Blog Edition

Let me begin by firstly saying Merry Christmas to everyone that reads my blog (which is mainly my friends, and thats just fine). I hope everyone is enjoying their celebration and having a good time. Its a good time to be with family.

So now on to my special blog edition of my personal Christmas. I was called heartless, stupid, mean, rude, and probably several other things I forgot to mention. Why? Well let me just go back to where the heartless one happened, its really all that matters.

We were out visiting my only living grandparent left, who is unstable as it goes and thus lives in an old folks home. While looking for his glasses in his apartment room (at the old folks home, where old people who don't understand personal possessions will literally walk into rooms and take shiny things and walk out) my Dad found a card of my now passed-away Grandmother. For reference, she died a few months back. Anyway, my Dad finds the card and asks if I have seen it. I say no, so he tells me to read it. I say no again. I get called heartless.

But let me explain myself - I have never had a great relationship with my Grandmother. My whole life I was actually and literally treated like the bad child, the worst grandson, the other one so to speak. Literally, she believed in my older and young brothers more than she ever did me and she always gave them a different and bigger amount of respect. So as time went on and my head caught up to that idea, I kind of came around to hating my Grandmother. That is to say at least until the last time I saw her. The last words she said to me, the last ones she spoke to her grandsons for that matter, was "I'm so very proud of you." I know it doesn't sound like much, but image a woman who's having trouble staying awake, trouble speaking, and literally on death's row saying that. More importantly, she didn't say anything of that sort to my brothers.

Now maybe its because they were still trying to impress her with all the things they had learned and done that she didn't feel the need to tell them, maybe it was just the fact that of all her grandsons we spoke the least to each other, or maybe something just clicked for her in those last minutes we were there. It doesn't really matter, it completely changed everything for me into the complicated mess that is the relationship I have with my now deceased Grandma. And its cause of that sort of screwed-up relationship that I don't want to read what someone else wrote about her anymore, I don't need it. I cry enough for her already, which is something I thought I never would. It hurts to be called heartless when the truth is the exact opposite.

Now to explain the rest of what was said, well... my Dad is a master of saying all the wrong things. Literally he's like a man that just stabbed a knife through your chest and knows how to twist and turn it without killing you. Its agonizing to be around him, so when he starts twisting that knife I fight back.

So that's what holidays are like for me, they are pretty torturous and painful but I live through them anyway. At any rate, I'd rather spend the holidays with my family then with a friends family, a guest in a house I don't understand. That's not to say I don't love my friends, just I don't want to be there for their awkward Christmas where everything goes disastrously wrong for their family. (I have a feeling I have a whole life of spouse-family Christmas disasters ahead of me anyway).

Well, hope that made sense cause it felt good to try and just write it out. Happy Holidays everyone :)

Change of Plans

Change of plans (Gasp, didn’t see that one coming), but I may not be doing the NaNoWriMo anymore. Besides the fact that I’ve been stressed to hell and thus have not been writing, I also got torn away from Colorado to go visit my Grandmother’s grave in Connecticut. I did enjoy going to Connecticut and seeing her grave, but I did so without my computer and thus greatly lost time in the NaNoWriMo as well as lost ideas/interest in the story I had.

However, I did randomly decided to start writing something else. To what effects it might be, we’ll have to see, but I’m going to send a small portion of it to one of my friends and see what she thinks. It should be weird.

Haven't Been Feeling Good

Just a quick little update. I didn't complete last month because I was upset for the entire last week. Short explanation, my Grandma has added stress to my life. Had that same stress all of the first week of this month and it has kind of carried over and just lasted the past few days.

On the other side of the stress that never ends (mainly because there are more stressful people than just my Grandma in my life), I start to get into art. So my output has been to the facebook App Graffiti. I'll post a few of them below so everyone has an idea of what I spend maybe two or three hours on in any given day.

Twilight Woods

Tree in the Blue

Radiance

As You can see, I've had a bit of time to make things like these. I like how these three have come out and all of them were started with the colors I chose in mind, but with the scene out of hand. What I mean to say is that I didn't know what I was going to draw, just that I wanted to draw something. One thing led to another and I had vibrant reds coming down from the clouds and blues lighting up the background. It's stress relieving to just start using Graffiti on facebook.

As far as writing goes, I do plan to finish the book I started (since I am SO freakin close to finishing it). I am, however, in no current rush at this point because I don't have the creativity in me to write. Some would call this writers block, but it's not really a block since I know what I want to write. I just am missing that passion I had when I started writing. I will make this promise though, I'll have that book done before the end of this year. If I don't, it'll become lost in the void of my thoughts for a very long time, and feeling so close to finishing it, I really don't want that to happen.

If I make any more graffiti artwork, I'll try to remember to do a large post here with a lot of it. Until next time (and there will be a next time :D)

Getting Closer

I made a bad choice today of going with my Mom to a home improvement store. I forgot that those places are like the black holes of time and souls once you walk inside of them, at least for my family. We spent three hours in two home improvements stores and only bought one track light. We went in not for a track light. In truth, we went to the first store in look for a type of door, which did not exist, and then for a hook, which also did not exist. Then we went to the second store (which was not the same as the first... as in not the same company) and went looking for a medicine cabinet. They had one that was what my Mom wanted, but the package was opened and she feared it was already broken. We did not buy it. However, we did end up finding a track light that I don't want to hang but I know she is going to try and make me hang. I plan to try not hanging that piece of crap. We also searched for the imaginary hooks again, which still did not exist.

So three hours later I came back with two things. One was an idea for some stuff that will happen later in my story (and it is really cool, can't wait to write about it). I've noted it into my sticky note for this story (which I usually don't think TOO far ahead with, else I might get bored). Anyway, the second thing I brought back was a huge bag of annoyance. I didn't want to write and I didn't even want to watch TV. All I wanted to do was lay down and sleep. I chose to write though and ended up spending an hour trying to make 1,000 words make sense. I gave up and decided to play video games for a little. That seemed to help.

Anyway, just finished up writing a little bit more and I'm getting closer to making my goal for this month. Hopefully by tonight I will be within 5,000 words of the goal (and I'm hoping to be within 3,000) so that writing for tomorrow won't be too bad. I'm positive that I'm going to make it this month though. Amazing considering where I was like 10 days ago.

Words for the Month: 34,528 / 40,000
Total Words: 74,571

OH MY F***ING GOD!

Seriously, I have 3 days (including today) left to write 10,000 words and my Dad is being the MOST annoying person on the planet. He's like "go look this up for me and see if it is worth it," and then starts vacuuming in ALL of the rooms I am trying to write in. I can't even hear myself think and it is driving me crazy! For f*** sakes, I wish he would go find something better to do than vacuum the entire house!

Seriously, I'm going crazy with how much interference he is causing with my writing. Like if there is a reason I don't complete this month, it is because he won't stop annoying me. And the worst part is that he thinks I'm a problem...

On another note, I have finished chapter 6 (which was longer than expected, but that was nice because it means more words) and I am moving onto chapter 7. I think Chapter 7 will finish up this month's goal as well, though I don't know if the chapter will continue on past the goal.

Everyone pray that my Dad dies, it seems to be the only way I'll get anything done.

Words for the Month: 30,216 / 40,000
Total Words: 70,259

Chapter 5 is Done!

I finished chapter 5 as promised for my friend and I have already sent it out. So have fun reading that and enjoying all of the things that happen in the chapter. Honestly, that was probably one of the more interesting ones, but more so my friend is going to hate me because it ends on a cliff hanger yet again. Oops, didn't mean for that (yes you did, don't lie), but it happened. Also, happy birthday to one of my friends!

As far as me being behind... dang, I am so damn far behind. I fear I might not make this month, but I also blame that on my family for making this month so damn stressful. Hopefully in these last ten days I can really kick out some amazing stuff. I'd really hate to fail my own goals for the month, but it is a possibility since my family drives me crazy.

Good luck and good night... no wait that's not mine.

Words for the Month: 14,459 / 40,000
Total Words: 54,502