Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit Review

Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit [2010] 

So beyond just watching television shows and movies, and beyond first person shooter war games, I've been working on a whole new set of games that I normally don't get around to because I'd rather play the ones that make me happy and I have friends on. So one of the first games that I went back and decided to play was Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit [2010]. Let it be known that this is a reboot of the classic need for speed franchise, which for all sakes and purposes did not really need a reboot since it has had a steady release at least every couple of years. And not only that, but the games tend to be rather solid.

Anyway, here's some background information about my feelings on this game. I loved Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 back in the day when it was on Playstation 1. I really loved driving past cops and racing through the career mode. So I have high hopes for this game. But even beyond that, I love Criterion Games. I thought that they were probably the best racing developers out there since I first came across them with Burnout 3: Takedown. Seriously, I love them so much that I have two copies of Burnout: Revenge, and I played Burnout: Paradise way past when I should have stopped (and beat it twice because I played one two different consoles). So to say that I had high hopes for this game is kind of an understatement considering it is a premium racing developer working on a platinum series. Here's my review.

Graphics:

Most would think it weird that I want to start with graphics, but in truth this is where the game shines best. From fabulously done real cars to waterfalls in the background to storms happening with lighting, the game has a very impressive graphics engine. It's perfect the way it is, maybe even over done compared with what else I'm about to talk about, but by far the best part of this game is the graphics engine.

With that said, there are no Burnout style crashes and there are no large jumps or anything too extreme. Just miles of beautiful roads for the astoundingly detailed cars to drive down. This is the best part of the game, take my word for it.

Gameplay:

The gameplay is simple, cops on one side and racers on the other. Racers fight against each-other for the first-place spot while cops fight to take-down all of the racers. It's the basic formula. They also try to give cops an advantage, but that's not all.

The main difference in this game from previous ones is that the cops and racers all get power-up moves to use. For instance, if a cop wants to they can try to add a road-block to stop the racers and the racers can use EMPs. Both teams can shoot spike strips out the back of their cars. So they try to spice it up this way, but in total there are 7 different power-ups. To be honest, it wasn't reinventing the wheel but it was a step in the right racing direction. A step, not a leap.

Now before I go on, let me explain the map as well. Its open, there are tons of roads that link to one another and every now and then there's a small secret path. Overall, this was the most BORING map I've ever played in a need for speed game. Literally, most the roads are long stretches of straightways with little curves thrown in, but there's no real shortcuts or big cities to make it fun to navigate and do turns. It was like the creative center of the Criterion map brains, which in the past has been amazing, was turned off this time around as they made the map as simplistic and non-organic as possible. Overall, it added to the boredom in the end of feel like you were on the same path even in the scenery changed.

Story (Single Player):

This is let down number one in the game, there's absolutely no story. They put in two career modes but overall it should just be called advance and get stuff modes because there's really nothing more to it than a simple leveling up system. The races slowly get more exciting and over time you actually start getting some intense games, but over time.

That's my problem, the career modes (racers and cops, where you play either as a racer or as a cop) are so drawn out and boring that I actually had trouble playing even past the first 20 races on either side. And that's not to say that they aren't fun, but rather that they just aren't that interesting. Race here against no-one, race here against the clock, race here against a timer... it really did draw out so long that I wasn't sure there were cop chases in this game. And so by the time I got there, I was frustrated. Let this be known, because the intense single player is actually REALLY far in the game and takes FOREVER to get to. I recommend skipping the story.

Multiplayer:

So if Single player isn't very intense, I still could have high hopes for the multiplayer since it was cop on racer action, right? Well there's three multiplayer modes that come on the disc, a race mode where its racers vs each other vs the cops, a one on one, and a third mode that I didn't even try. So let's start with the basics.

The race mode seemed great the first time I played it, intense running from the cops and it was action packed. But the more I played it, the more I realized it was less about racing and more about trickery. For instance, racers were not compelled to move forward at any time and, for all that matters, they could turn around and just drive past the cops. So a lot of times you'll see the racers just switch gear and go backwards, making a cop or two need to turn around to go catch them. This was something that should have been fixed, get too far behind the cop and you forfeit or something. So that's already bad.

But wait, the other bad part is that there are boosts for have playing the game longer. Players who play a lot more get a TON more cars that are actually WAY better than the starter sets. It's almost like slapping new people in the face that don't want to play the terrible story mode the entire way throughout. I can't tell you how annoying it is to never even be in the league on the race because you don't have a car to really compete.

But wait, remember when I said it was Racer vs Racer vs Cops? Well I lied, because its actually Racer vs Cops with bonus for finishing. So sometimes racers will hold up cops on purpose because as long as one racer paces the finish, they all get points.

If you aren't seeing what I'm getting at, this mode is EXTREMELY flawed and kind of boring since no one really wants to play it right. I mean, it counts as a win on the racing team if another member gets across the line. That's not a race, that's just a team run-around. I think Criterion had the right idea, but then did everything wrong. And what annoys me about this is that in one of their press conferences before the game was released, they are quoted for calling it a "rabbit being hunted by dogs" game, except it felt more like a bunch of dogs without any teeth. To that extent, I leave the multiplayer annoyed and flawed.

But I would like to make one final point, which is that for a game that's supposed to feel like prey and predators, there should almost always be more prey than predators. So even if they fixed up the flaws I've mentioned above, about the only way to make the cops fun is to really give them a boost, and then down their numbers from a 50% cops - 50% racers to about 35% cops - 65% racers (IE more racers so more for the cops to take down). It sounds weird, but trust me, having to play a cop one game and a racer the next and then a cop again is kind annoying when really I bought the game to be the racer. So down the cops and make it that we play cops every two games that we play racers. Win for all.

Verdict: 2 / 5 Stars

Between the lack of a good single player (and no, I'm not saying not having a story, I'm saying in general the single player was boring) and the multiplayer being extremely flawed, all this game really had was beautiful graphics and a wonderfully done amount of cars. That's right, I'm going to give this game all of it's points for graphics and number of well-done cars. So if you haven't figured out by now, the game didn't do to well because in my mind, that's nothing compared to what is really needed to be a fully functioning game.

No, I couldn't let up that the single player is almost unplayable because of the amount of time-trials and worthless races that were not Hot Pursuits that flood the beginning. And I couldn't give points for the extremely flawed multiplayer or the lack of versatility that came with it. And I definitely couldn't give points for how boring all the roads where. Seriously, I could drive around for hours and have absolutely no idea where I was, which is a feat considering how beautiful the surroundings were. It just felt bland.

I'm giving this game a 2/5 stars.

Double Review: The Thing

So I'm actually sitting here right now, watching the 2011 version of The Thing. As I'm watching it, all I can think is that I NEED to write a review for this movie. Except, I think to really understand my review for the newest movie, I should give a glimpse into the mind and thoughts of the previous one. As such, for the first time ever, I'm going to do a double review.

The Thing [1982]

So it turns out that order of operations in important and I NEED to do a review of the first Thing [1982] before I even consider a review of the newer one. So below is my review of a movie I haven't seen in a while, but in all honesty I remember extremely well.

Synopsis:

So the movie actually starts very weird, where a helicopter is seen chasing down a dog, trying to kill it for whatever reason when they run into another camp in the middle of the arctic. The camp sees this action and tells the helicopter to not come any closer, but of course the helicopter does and so, thinking that he has gone mad since he's chasing a dog, they kill them.

Well, turns out the dog is actually an evil monster (that's not the surprise, you know it by the way that they are doing everything in the movie) and the other camp had discovered the monster buried in the ice. The rest of the movie plays out trying to solve how the monster works and, using the best graphics and special effects available for 1982, a horrific show is created where the true terror is in the story, the idea, and overall just the brilliant concept.

Verdict: 4.5 / 5 Stars

This movie is a horror CLASSIC! If you are big into horror movies or big into cult films, then please give this movie your support by going and watching it. And although the movie is considered old now (30 years and counting), the concept for the time was brilliant, the special effects were well done, and the way they use the camera to really bring out the horror is what makes this movie. So if you have some free time and don't mind things that goes on the slightly gross side, then please check this out.

But just to be frank, the best part of the movie was actually when they develop a way to solve who the thing is. Seriously, it's the most memorable scene in the movie and it has probably the biggest impact. Especially since the way they solved it was so primitive and yet so brilliant. Add in the natural terror that it could be anyone, and it's a brilliant effect.

Seriously, I can't tell how many bad horror movies I've seen, but this one has a great concept and is done very well. So my personal verdict is 4.5/5 stars!

The Thing [2011]

And so now we move onto the more recent film. Now I know I didn't give that last film a very big introduction or really any synopsis at all, but that's because the real intent of this review is to describe the newer movie of the two. I mean, surely with new special effects and a classic horror idea they couldn't go wrong, or so I thought...

Synopsis:

First of all, it is extremely important for me to point out that this movie is not the sequel to the 1982 horror, but actually the prequel. That's right, the end of this movie is obviously the beginning of the next movie. So what we know right away is that only two people should live, the thing should become the dog, and in the end we should see him chasing the pooch away. At least, in theory that's what we should see.

Well this movie starts out with some Norwegians on a big truck running all over the place and they're talking about something stupid. To be fair and honest, I was reading the text at the bottom for a minute, but it really didn't matter at this point since he's telling some sick story about a boy and his grandmother (you can imagine). Then their big truck or whatever crashes through the ice where they make a major discovery, there's an alien ship. So far so good. Well, really that's the last of the staying-on-track parts of this movie. And it should be very simple to get form point one, discovering the alien, to point two, where the whole base is dead...

Verdict: 1.75 / 5 Stars

See the cast and crew was perfectly fine, the set-up was exactly what was expected since it was the prequel to the original thing, but the problem with this movie is clearly that they would rather invest more money in special effect than work with a large group of writers that want the movie to follow the best story possible. From start to finish, you'll see where they spent countless hours trying to flash gory scenes and really bring to life the Thing, but they never quite get it looking right either. And so instead of doing what made the first film great, which is sort of hiding the creature for most of the film and making it into more a mystery of who is the thing, they go about trying to turn this movie into an action thriller.

But not just that ruins this movie. No, the creators also went into depth to really try and make something new for us to watch be hunted. But in the end, they actually end up ruining the original movie because in this movie the Thing was able to do SO many more things that it makes the Think from the original look pathetic. That's right, special effects are truly the deviant in this film series and what brought about the end to what was probably the greatest idea ever.

I think what really made me want to subtract points was that the original movie had such a clever way of solving who the Thing was that when the scientists came up with a way in this movie, it seemed like the creators of this prequel didn't understand what made the original so damn classical. And that frustrates me as a movie goer, because I WANTED this movie to be good.

However, with all that said and done, the new movie does a decent (though it could have been better) job of getting from the two points. That's why I gave it a star. And they did put some effort into the movie, it just didn't have the flavor that the original cult classic had and it really showed why modern horror is going in the drain. To the producers, I would like you to cast a view towards this movie as why special effects, which cast MILLIONS to make, will never substitute for a well written and re-written story, which costs much less.

Overall I give it a 1.75/5 stars.

House of 9: The Review

House of 9  [2005]

The movie I'm watching tonight is called House of 9. The title was what hooked me into wanting to see this, I mean I personally think it sounds like a very interesting title. And from the small bits of information I gathered from online, it is supposed to be a horror movie. Now, I'm actually a huge fan of horror films, I love them intact, and so I decided to watch it. And if that did not have me interested, it is a British film and I love watching things that are international. Here's my review of a movie most people probably have never heard of, House of 9.

Synopsis:

The beginning of the movie starts out with all the different people who will make up the 9 in the title and what they are currently doing in their lives. Some are out partying, others are just walking along, but all of them in the end are abducted and taken to the house. There are also some shots interlacing the scenes of how they are abducted of the house that they will be in. Right from the start, you can see where this is going.

The nine different people then wake up in this house, the windows have all been bricked-in and the front door is made of steel, reinforced and not moving. There are eerie glowing lights all around them and except for some beds, bathrooms, a very small kitchen, and a table, the house is empty. Then a man comes on the speaker and tells them that they have been chosen randomly and only one will be getting out of the house alive and with a lot of money too. From there, the movie turns into a dramatic thriller as the nine contestants are suddenly tested between being a society and survival of the fittest.

Verdict: 1.75 / 5 stars

I'm just going to be straight out when I say this is a really cool, really terrifying concept that sort of takes the idea of Lord of the Flies and applies it to a basic concept of being locked away in a house. Or at least, I wish that was the concept that went in behind this movie. It's not. Instead, the creators break this movie up and make something that is supposed to be a bit more catching and a little bit closer to the edge of your seat. They fail and it goes down horrible.

The first half of the movie should be called something along the lines of "Democracy: Sit On Your Arse" because literally it becomes this democratically struggle of who is in charge and what should they do. One guy is a cop with a  gun, the rest are all civilians with really boring back stories of the most part. They eat, they sit, they drink, they sit, they explore, they sit, they dance, they sit, and all around nothing happens. Literally this is a HUGE loss of stars for this film, because when I watch a movie the only person who should be sitting and doing nothing for more than five minutes should be me. So I'm going to take off huge. Instead, I would have liked to have seen the creators of this movie have made them first want to escape, then each of the characters find something that's different, interesting, a clue maybe as to what is going on. Maybe it is something that helps them in their final task, maybe it's something that they think will help but turns into someone else's prize. That would have been interesting and added some flavor to this. But like I said, all they do is sit and eat and dance and sit some more. What a waste of a beautifully undefined mansion.

The second half of the movie is where the action starts. Something goes wrong, society fails, and all hell breaks lose for our heroes. Except at this point you've either come to love or come to hate certain characters and in a way you've already selected who you want to live and who you want to die. Why? Because the first half of the movie was sitting and eating and you learned how annoying some of the characters are. So anyway, all hell breaks loose, people start dying, and a winner wins. The end. Oh, there's a twist in there but it's really not that important, big, or unguessable (I actually knew the twist right when it happened because it seemed fishy).

But the most disappointing part was that they left the Priest alive for so damn long. Now I know the reason they did it was to play with this notion of is God really watching, but let's be honest. No, no he is not and it wasn't fun to watch them figure that out. I mean, this priest so so annoying that from the minute he started talking I just kept thinking, 'please die, I don't need this much of him in the movie'. But he keeps living, and he lives for what seems like forever. I'm being honest when I say he ruins part of the movie, and that's why I'm making a big note out of it.

Last, this movie loses points because of the ending. I like vague endings, but this one wasn't even that. It was a continuation ending, one that tells you there's basically a part two to the whole tale. I hate those in movies where they did not even answer a question the first time around. So why the hell would I want to see a sequel if nothing gets answered the first time? I don't. Minus points.

So where did this movie get points, because I'll admit I'm really smacking it down. Well the original concept is a brilliant and very interesting one, so I gave it some awesome points for that. And the art direction in the film is chilling, very well done for defining the house and the characters. I think it could had been better on the house, but I can see the effects that the director was heading for and I'll give him that. And finally, although I hated the ending for the vague, very mentally distilled, and overall annoying, it did have something to it that made me think back a bit. So I gave it that. But most importantly, I really did want to see something happen and have a mystery. Now, it's too bad the mystery in this film is a no brainer, but I appreciate the poor attempt. 1.75/5 stars.

Mr Hollands Opus: The Review

Mr. Holland's Opus [1995]

The Movie Poster

I told myself that I was not going to do a review for this movie, I was trying to get off of doing reviews. I'm not exactly sure why I don't want to do reviews anymore, I actually love talking about the things I see and if I liked them or not. Still, this movie turned out to be hard to not want to make a review for. So I give to you my review of Mr. Holland's Opus.

Synopsis:

The movie starts out with Mr. Holland as a young man. He's got a wife, they're settling down, and he's got this new gig at the band teacher at John F. Kennedy High School. And I use the term gig on purpose, because previously he was in a band. He loved his life in the band and he wishes he could have stayed in it, but when everything happened he needed money and settling more than he needed the band. So he's taking a bit of a different roll on now.

At the beginning of the movie you learn that he hates teaching. Every day he goes to the school and every day he's rushing out. Turns out he's not really into teaching that much, or so he thinks. Well, the principal of the school cracks down on him and tells him he needs to get into gear and start making the students learn and want to use that knowledge. So then he starts helping the students learn on a different level, one they can appreciate and one they can enjoy.

The rest of the movie is watching his life through the generations. Literally it goes from the start of his career to the end of his career and the viewer really gets to see what happens with him and with what he does. By the end of the movie, you'll feel that you really know him.

Verdict: 4.75 / 5 Stars

I love this movie and I don't think there is any better way to start this review. From start to finish you learn to love Mr. Holland and what he does, you like his reactions and you like how he teaches. So from beginning to end of the movie, it was just interesting and fun to watch. And on an emotional level I felt attached to the characters as well. That's something that is rare.

Now, maybe I'm a sucker for movies with teachers who prove to be real teachers, the ones that get the point across and make you love them because they bring you to the next level. That might be because in my own life I've felt this same sort of thing happen, but it is what a good teacher does. So to capture that essence as beautifully as it is done in this movie, with the drama and the back-story that is expected, is what sends it over the top for me.

And I bet now, after raving on how much I've liked it, you are wondering why I gave it less than a perfect score. Well, although I love everything and the emotions are there (which is usually that last missing point in a lot of movies), I felt that some scenes went on a bit too long or were a bit too slow. It's definitely worthy of the score, and most certainly worthy of a watch, but the director should have learned to cut certain things and make it speed through the scenes that were less interesting. And I know it maybe would have taken only ten minutes or so out of the entire almost two and a half hour long movie, but that does make a huge difference when coming to the final vote.

Still, this is an excellent film packed with emotion, drama, timeless values, a look into the past, and a great teacher. If you have not seen then, go get a copy and watch it. It is a great movie. 4.75/5 stars!

Found Some Pictures From a While Ago

Me with Eleven Inches of Hair!!!

Remembering the Hair

So if anyone remembers, about a year ago I shaved off all of my hair for St. Baldrick's Day and gave the incredibly long hairs I had obtained in approximately a years time to Locks of Love. Well, I've actually come across a lot of pictures from the event and I decided I might as well as share them. And TRUST ME, I know I look terrible in this picture, but that's what happens when you are a guy that grows your hair out to eleven inches and then donates all of it to a charity organization. So no judging me on that part, I took the burden of carrying my hair everywhere and looking like a fool for months and I don't need to be reminded of how terrible it looks.

Now these photos also show off why I will never EVER have hair that long again. I mean, besides being totally degrading to have hair that long and everyone saying I look like a girl (which to everyone out there that said that, I already knew and life was hard enough; I didn't need to hear that).

Right Before They Stole my Hair [Picture 1]

The First Few Cuts [Picture 2]

Anyway, In picture 1 you can see I've already lost a LOT of hair (and at the time I was feeling lightheaded and my neck felt wonderful). Well, that's because to get the donation of hair for Locks of Love, I had to cut it off and ziplock bag it up before I got up to the donation area and had my head shaved completely off.  Now, I was lucking during this whole thing that my friends had come along with me,  because my Wife then was able to be the one to make the special First cuts of my long locks of hair. Then, as shown in picture 2, I gave it away to the St Baldrick's people and they took shavers and started sawing away at what was left. As you can see, she started in the back with my head and worked her way forward.

Almost Gone [Picture 3]

In picture 3 is a middle step that was taken, which I wanted to show because this lady unfortunately has the untimely job of having to shave hair over and over again until the event was over. So, to make it more fun for herself she started doing designs with the hair that was left. Since I had an oddly proportioned amount of hair on my head (because my lover did not cut the hair to all the same length while trying to get as much of it off), my personal balding stylist decided I should have a mohawk before it was gone. This picture was taken right before she let the last bit go (not that I was sad). I remember at this point feeling like my head was hot because of the clippers running over the bare scalp. Don't worry, that would all change soon afterwards.

A Zen Feeling as the Last Goes [Picture 4]

And then finally that last bit was taken off and I was left with nothing but the bald head I had been craving. That last small strand was off in no time, and then the lady shaving my head spent a good deal of time making sure she had gotten all of the small fuzz that was just a bit too long to be called bald. As you can also see form this picture, I'm not actually perfectly bald but rather a very close approximation. Thank God! Regrowing hair from the skin level is itchy as all get-out and I would have been scratching my head like crazy if they went any closer!

And finally, I'm going to throw in one last picture that shows off my two favorite friends in the whole world, the ones that let me bum with them (couch hop?) while I was visiting in San Francisco! I can't stop thanking them enough and I'm always happy we have these moments together, which leads to the final and most important point to this article, ALWAYS do stuff with your friends because they are the ones that mean the most when you look back. I can't wait to see these two again, though next time it'll be at their wedding!

Happy Memorial Day Everyone!

(From Left to Right) My Husband, My Wife, and Me Afterwards

Bored to Death (Season 1): The Review

Bored to Death (Season 1) [2009]

The Bored to Death Poster

So I normally do movie reviews every night, and I've actually already done a movie review for tonight, but those are not the only types of things I watch. As such, I figured I might as well branch out and include a couple of television shows I'm watching. Now, a thing about my reviews for television shows is that I do NOT want to write a review until I finish the season. Why? Because if I watch one episode and then write a review, I might not have gotten the true flavor of the television show that I didn't notice in just thirty minutes or less. For example, I did not realize the comedic value of the television show Arrested Development for the longest time. However, once I found it I could not stop laughing. So I feel it's important to give television shows a full season before they get judged.

Synopsis:

So this writer, Jonathan Ames (played by Jason Schwartzman) is working on writing his second novel, except he's currently having a huge problem with writers block. His girlfriend moves out of their place, his life feels meaningless, and his best friend, a comic book writer by the name of Ray Hueston (played by Zach Galifianakis), doesn't seem to help. So, slightly out of boredom and slightly out of finding an old novel in the pile of books in his apartment, he decides to spice up his life by putting an ad on Craig's List that says he's a private detective with very reasonable rates. He mentions in the ad that his is not licensed and takes that as the only way to tell people he in no way is related to crime solving. Well, he starts getting calls and from there the show takes on a detective sort of tone.

Except he's not a detective and he's anything but trained in being a good private eye. So the show focuses on his life and how he's not a detective. You meet his other buddy and mentor/boss, George Christopher (played by Ted Danson) and you see how he tries to piece his life back together with his friends, the detective business, and writing his story. So it becomes this complicatedly simple show about weird cases he solves while trying to do other things.

Verdict: 3.5 / 5 Stars

So I watched the whole first season and, if you read my synopsis, then you understand that this show could very much be interesting. Except the main character is kind of dull in his life and he's not very good with girls. I think that the creators really tried to play him up as a funny sort of guy, but he doesn't come off that way most of the time. And that's what really hurt this show if you asked me.

No, instead the actual BEST character on the show is his mentor/boss George. Now, the reason I really like George in this show is that he's this rich, lovable character with a background business that's respectable and yet he has all these weird problems that a rich person should never have. So from the first episode to the last episode he takes the side character roll and just makes it amazing. He's calling Jonathan in to go to parties with him, complaining about the complications in his life, and just all around getting into strange troubles that I found hilarious.

~~~~~Spoiler Alert~~~~~

For instance, he gets a herpes blister on his lip and he has a speech to go to and he does not want to show off the blister in public. Since there is no way out of doing the speech, his best idea is to call Jonathan in and ask Jonathan to punch him hard in the face so that it looks like he was in a battle. Now, standing back we can all see that this is not going to work, but the whole scenario plays out in such a dramatically hilarious style that I could not help but laugh at it. There's a bunch of others, and this isn't the funniest of what he does, but I thought I would mention it to give at least some sort of example.

~~~~~End Alert~~~~~

And beyond the best character, even Ray tends to be a little bit funnier than Jonathan. Ray has really weird problems and he talks about them like they are everyday issues, which is perfect for adding humor to the roll. But with that said, I don't think that either of the side-characters would have made a great front-roll character and are best where they stand now. So I'm going to leave it at that and just say that the two friends of Jonathan actually make the show.

Which means the only thing that could possibly make the show terrible are if the cases are bad or uninteresting. Some are less interesting than others, some are really funny ideas, but in the end it all sort of averages out to a decent case-listing in the show. So I'm not knocking it for having decent detective stories to tell, but I do have one problem with it. I like television shows that show progress with each episode, where if you missed the previous then you might not understand the details that go into the next. This show has none of that outside of a very large, very slow back story. I would have loved to see some cases not get solved and carry over a few episodes while he works others, I would have dies to see a master case that engulfs the whole season and he solves it little bit by little bit with each other case adding to the clues. I like mastermind stuff like that, the things that lead you on and then blow up to awesome proportions at the end. This sadly just doesn't have it. So that's a bit hurter.

Overall, the show did keep me entertained and I did manage to quickly and easily make it through the first season. If you want an extra show that is something you can watch while doing something else, this is probably it. I give it a 3.5/5 stars.

The Adjustment Bureau: The Review

The Adjustment Bureau [2011]

The Adjustment Bureau Movie Poster

Okay, so I know that in reality I talk a lot about how I hate Matt Damon, but at the same time I also feel that all movies should be given the same chance to impress me. Why? Because there were other people who worked on this movie and they deserve a chance to prove themselves to. So as it stands, I'm going to do my review on the Adjustment Bureau.

Synopsis:

So the movie starts out with a very good, progressive, and young politician who is not only the front-runner for everything, but ahead of everyone in the field. Well, all that changes when he makes a mistake with his life and is suddenly thrusted off-track from his political dreams. So on the night that he loses his big election, he also meets the girl that is of his dreams. 

And that's when the adjustment bureau steps in, which is a set of persons that go around fixing the world to make sure that the best possible future outcome will occur. Except they mess up, and the rest of the movie is how they have to then fix it.

Verdict: 4.25 / 5 Stars

So even though I still hold a grudge against Matt Damon, this was actually a really good and really interesting movie. I like the play on love that runs through the whole thing and I really like that while you know where it's sort of going, there's this mystery of what will happen next since you don't exactly know what the Adjustment Bureau is. And they spend some time trying to explain it, but they do it very ghostly, for lack of a better word, by which I mean you get this feeling of what the adjustment bureau is and what the adjustment bureau does and who is the adjustment bureau but without actually telling you the full story every time. And be a person that really appreciates when movies leave mystery, it was like a hook to keep me watching.

Now, from start to finish the characters are this story of lovable, elastic bunch that you just want to watch and see more of. There are no real bad guys in this film either, which is something that rarely happens in the film like this, and so even the worst of characters you are interested in. And it worked, I actually wanted to hear more from all the characters, to learn more about everyone and really get to understand the things they do and why. So from that perspective I really was pleased with this movie. And the cinematography was really beautiful too. There are these scenes were you get the sunset or the the rain coming down just beautifully in the background. Now a lot of people don't take the time to really appreciate that, but I did and I thought it was done marvelously in this film, really making the whole thing look impressive and interesting. So I felt I had to make a point about that and just let everyone know that while watching this film, just realize that everything is picked out perfectly. All of that gets a paragraph, because it all deals with the behind hands on the film.

Another thing that bumps this movie up above other's I've been having the pleasure to review is that I know I could rematch this one easily. There's this sort of flavor to the way it plays out that I really like, the whole is it fate or is it destiny really coming into mix here in a way that hasn't been done before. For instance, on the one hand you learn the Adjustment Bureau works to make a better world by slightly adjusting it, but they also admit there is a certain unknown prominence to the future. I really like that and that's what makes this a fun watch. And the spontaneous feelings that you get from the movie, although rather random at the time, are also really planned out. So although you are kind of being led along, it does have a very direct path that you could see coming.

Now on the downside, there's nothing in this movie that really provides more to humanity except the basic ideas that Freedom is not Free and Love Triumphs, which are wonderful ideas but they get played a lot. The movies I tend to give higher ratings to have a beat all to their own, sending a message that maybe you can't say in 5 words or less and this movie just does not have that. So while its fun, I can't give it a perfect score because I don't feel like I've become a better person, a more educated person, from watching this. my final verdict is 4.25/5 stars.

Horrible Bosses: The Review

Horrible Bosses [2011]

Horrible Bosses Movie Poster

So I have pretty much nothing to do today and I think someone in my family told me that I should watch the movie Horrible Bosses. I thought why not, I like Jason Bateman as an actor ever since I watched the entire Arrested Development series (and multiple times), so I turned it on and just let it run. My mistake. Here's the review.

Synopsis:

So these three men have three bosses that they totally hate, one of which is a psycho, one that's a whore, and one that's a spoiled brat. And the whole movie starts out showing you each person's relationship with their boss and how it just is not working out. Then everything starts spiraling out of control as their bosses get worse which, of course, leads to the great idea that they should just kill their bosses. From there, this is supposed to be a comedy about the three of them and their long journey to kill each others bosses to make life easier for the other ones.

Verdict: 2.5 / 5 Stars

Now like I said, I really like Jason Bateman. And the idea behind this movie is not a terrible one, I mean it's a little bit cliche now that we've had a bunch of movies that try and to mimic the classic Office Space [1999]. But unfortunately the cast and characters left me feeling like this movie needed something. Like the villains are perfect, but the three main characters you just slowly lose care for over time. For instance, Jason Bateman plays Nick Hendricks who is a well-to-do guy that thinks the only way to get promoted is to suck-up to his boss, but it makes him seem rather spineless in the long run. Charlie Day plays Dale Arbus who's an all-around annoying guy (I actually was really getting annoyed with him the more the movie went on). And last, Jason Sudeikis plays the sex addict. So really, because these guys have these abnormal qualities, you just over time lose care for them and honestly start believing that maybe they got what they deserved.

But with that out of mind while I watched this, because I didn't think that until just over half-way through the movie, I still found the plot to be rather not-thoughtout. Like they'd give these three guys a situation, something would happen, they'd give them another situation, something new would happen. That's just not how I like my movies. I like it when you can see there was a lot of thought behind every scene and why things happen, when mysteries go from start to finish and things you didn't think were important become important. This one was more like here's some random stuff, lets let the characters roll off of it and make a movie. That's what killed it for me and led me to boredom halfway through.

And on top of that, I sort of wonder if the writers were looking for spots to even make jokes, because I honestly don't get the comedy in this movie all too well. It's kind of like here's a random thought, then move on. But because the context is so drowned out by screaming and annoyance, I just didn't think it was funny. Its like going to a restaurant, you don't want to have an entire meal that tastes bland but more of a sporadic assortment of complimenting flavors. This was a bland meal.

My personal feelings? 3/5 stars at first until I realized I'd never come back for this dish. I downed it to 2.5/5 stars for that reason.

Bad Teacher: The Review

Bad Teacher [2011]

Bad Teacher Movie Poster

So this may come as a shock, but this is actually my second or third time watching this movie all the way through. I know I should stick with movies I've never seen before, but for all the reviews in the world that I can write this one won't matter. So I've rewatched the movie and here's my personal opinion.

Synopsis:

A really bad middle school teacher, Elizabeth Halsey, thinks she's going to retire from teaching after being in the service for a whole year. She has a rich boyfriend she's about to marry, a luxurious life set ahead of her, and no troubles what-so-ever. Except her rich boyfriend figures out that she's really only in it for the money before they can get married and so it's back for another year of teaching at John Adams Middle School (JAMS for short).  From there, its her strangely abusive, not very clean story of trying to go from rags to riches, or in her case get a new set of breasts to make herself more appealing to rich men.

Verdict: 3.75 / 5 Stars

If you'll believe it, I actually really enjoyed this movie! I mean, with all the vulgarity and what not I actually enjoy everything that happens. And I just want to state now that I was on the line between giving this movie a whole four stars or three and a half. Why? Because I know this movie is not right for everyone, but that's not to say it is just a terrible movie.

I guess what I liked about this movie is that there is this nostalgia while watching it of that's how my school went. I had the peppy teachers and the classes where there was the popular girls and popular guys who would not take a second of their life to look past the superficial appearances. And I liked that it was set in middle school, which is when hormones are a blaze in the students, and yet here we have this raunchy teacher who's drugged up and doped out in between her attempts at get-quick rich schemes. So in this essence, it kind of makes it more interesting for me.

And the plot seemed well thought-out. Like you can tell that whomever wrote the script really worked hard to make her seem like a witty teacher that could have tricked a rich guy into letting her have half his money and not the other way around. Combined with an arch nemesis, which I personally loved the corkiness of Amy Squirrel, and you get this sort of sickly sweet twist to a very different sort of comedy.  Top it off, I'm sort of a sucker for love stories that revolve around central characters and I love Justin Timberlake in this movie as the roll of the weird hot guy. So for me, it wasn't exactly something I would call painful to re-watch and I actually would recommend it to a friend.

The only problem I do have with this film is that its almost like they worked a little too hard to make it about the adults in the movie and less about the kids. I would have liked to see more interaction with the children and how she reacts, maybe even with some scenes extended. Instead, we get this sort-of pulled back view on the year that focuses around the principle and the adults. I also would have loved to have seen more teachers in this movie. Like we start to see them, but they too are just kind of there and not really given much more light than a quick appearance. And of course, I can't give it a perfect rating because this movie is NOT for everyone (and I know that).

So I feel this movie is a 3.75/5 stars type.

Rest Stop (Movie): The Review

Rest Stop (Movie) [2006]

Rest Stop Movie Poster

And so tonights movie is a horror film called Rest Stop. Now, just from the title you should be able to tell that this is going to be a long, bad movie night. It's a B horror film (at best). So here we go.

Synopsis:

So this girl (Nichole) and her boyfriend (Jess) decide to run away from home to become movie stars or something. As they drive away, Nichole has trouble with the idea of running away and wants to call her parents. She doesn't because her boyfriend says not to. So then they're off on the road. A random sex scene, and a random cut to them talking about being on some back highway for some reason, and then wouldn't you know it but Nichole needs a bathroom... also know as a rest stop. So begins the horror fun.

Verdict: 1 / 5 Stars

I'm really torn while writing this review because its a really bad movie, and I mean that, but at the same time it is entertaining. Now, let me get down to why this movie is so bad. First of all, the whole premise is just stupid. A rest stop that a guy haunts and attacks people to kill them? That's just sad how low the film makers have stooped to make a horror movie (and a bad one). Now, I'm not taking off stars for this point though, because most horror films are based around some sort of bad idea.

No, what I'd like to take points off for is the just terrible scripting. First of all, there's no character interaction in this film at all. Why? Because the only character in the film that lives through every stupid thing that happens in Nichole. So she goes here, she goes there, she goes here, and so on and so forth. And I don't mind that, but it would be nice if they would at least have given her a friend to talk to and to figure this out. And I mean someone long term, not a short term friend.  So a lot of the stuff she has to figure out on her own, which is slow and annoying. And when they do give her a friend, it lasts maybe 20 minutes at most. It drives me nuts.

But I also hated the lack of a set-up. A good horror movie knows that they'll set everything up close to the beginning so that later you get to see how things unravel. This one didn't have any of that. It was just random scene after random scene with nothing too well thought out. So after about the third time I'm just so annoyed that it won't end that it pisses me off.  Seriously, every big mystery in the movie is about 10 seconds from being unraveled instead of being planned out from the beginning. It was frustrating. I'm really taking out points for the lack of a set-up and burst-topic thought that went into this.

Yet, on top of that there is a HUGE layer of characters who have interesting pasts and are interesting and I'd love to see more of them. So why the hell they didn't try and play all the characters up I'll never know. And I don't want to ruin it, but there was a really good moment in there where I wanted something more to happen with some of the most psychotic characters that didn't.

To end my review, I'd like to say that it also lost points from just the rugged lack of intelligence with EVERY character. Like, the amount of stupidity that EVERY character had was unbelievable. I think anyone with about half the brains could have done better than this girl. 

~~~~~Warning: Spoiler Alert~~~~~

1. Take for instance the scene where she's in the station talking on the old CB Radio and gets the "trucker" on the other end. Now, it already isn't weird to her that on the television is the porno they made earlier that day (and she identifies it, based on the look on her face). So she starts talking to this guy, he talks back, and he says he's going to call the cops. She asks what his name is and he says, gasp, 'Jessy.' RIGHT THERE that should be a hint that this is NOT a trucker an should NOT be trusted. But instead she gets drunk and forgets all about it. 
2. Here's another example. The car suddenly magically reappears in front of the little station for the rest stop. Now, normal people would find that weird and not want to get in. But oh, our so smart heroin is going to jump right into the drivers seat and start driving away. Except everyone knows that if the car was put there magically, it means something is up. So don't get in the car you dumb girl. Ugh...
3. Third example, the police officer talks to the guy in the truck and he says he's been lost for hours, driving by the rest stop every now and then without doing anything. The police officer accepts his answer, to which point the truck turns around. Now, while he's standing there explaining this to the girl, who clearly said IT WAS HIM, he suddenly gets caught in the headlights of the truck. Let's not move out of the way, lets just let the "lost" truck driver blind you even though he should have turned around and left. Sad to say, it doesn't end well for him.

~~~~~End of Spoils~~~~~

Seriously, the day that the masterminds behind these movies create smarter characters, I'll by happy. All I want is a hero who is smart enough to do normal reactions, but the bad guy is one step ahead. My verdict is 1/5 stars.